USA Today reported last week that the US Army has approved an atheist-themed concert at Fort Bragg (NC) after a group complained that they had not received the same support as did organizers of an Evangelical event held last year.  Among those  scheduled to appear is Richard Dawkins.  I didn’t know Dawkins was a singer! But then again, I really never gave it a thought.

I wonder: What does an Athiest concert look like? In other words, what would distinguish an Atheist concert from a simply secular concert, or a humanist concert? Do people gather for anything? Or do they just sing and talk about what they don’t believe?

Comedian Steve Martin might give us a hint.  In the video above Martin takes the mic at the 2010 New Orleans Jazz festival and shares what he calls “The entire Atheist hymnal”.  Funny!

Here are the lyrics to Martin’s Athiest Don’t Have No Songs:

Chris­tians have their hymns and pages,
Hava Nag­i­la’s for the Jews,
Bap­tists have the rock of ages,
Athe­ists just sing the blues.

Ro­man­tics play Claire de Lune,
Born agains sing “He is risen,”
But no one ever wrote a tune,
For god­less ex­is­ten­tial­ism.

For Athe­ists there’s no good news. They’ll never sing a song of faith.
In their songs they have a rule: the “he” is al­ways low­er­case.
The “he” is al­ways low­er­case.

Some folks sing a Bach can­ta­ta,
Luther­ans get Christ­mas trees,
Athe­ist songs add up to nada,
But they do have Sun­days free.

Pentecostals sing to heav­en,
Cop­tics have the books of scrolls,
Nu­merol­o­gists can count to seven,
Athe­ists have rock and roll.

For Athe­ists there’s no good news. They’ll never sing a song of faith.
In their songs they have a rule: the “he” is al­ways low­er­case.
The “he” is al­ways low­er­case.

Atheists don’t have no songs.
Chris­tians have their hymns and pages,
Hava Nag­i­la’s for the Jews,
Bap­tists have the rock of ages,
Athe­ists just sing the blues.

Catholics dress up for Mass,
And lis­ten to, Gre­go­ri­an chants.
Athe­ists just take a pass, Watch foot­ball in their un­der­pants.
Watch foot­ball in their un­der­pants.

Atheists don’t have no songs.