Paul Tripp further expounds the thoughts conveyed in this viedo in his book: Broken Down Houses.
Paul Tripp
Teenagers: Tendency Toward Legalism
Do you remember a Brady Bunch episode where Greg and his parents got into a debate about “Exact Words”? Greg, who had been grounded from driving, when confronted about borrowing a friends wheels, insisted that his parents only instruction to him was that he was not drive the family car. The rest of the episode is an illustration of the difficulty of livng by exact words.
What I never realized was that this episode also illustrated a more universal principle.
According to Paul Tripp:
“Teenagers have a natural tendency toward legalism.”
What parent has not heard something like:
- “You didn’t say I couldn’t…” or
- “You didn’t tell me to.. today”
I’ll have to be honest, sometimes my kids are technically correct. BUT still, …we all understand, by common sense, what should have been expected.
Such statements are merely expressions of this tendency toward legalism.
There is no use trying to make certain we are right. There is no sense in trying to be more clear in our instructions. We need to recognize this for what it is: Legalism. And we need to get across to our teenagers that, in the end, legalism does no one any favors.
Our teenagers need to understand, not only the lesson Greg Brady learned in that episode, but more importantly they – and we – need to be reminded what Paul says in Galatians 3.10:
“All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law”
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This is the Second in a series of six posts elaborating on the insights Paul Tripp offers in his book Age of Opportunity. To read the others click: Teen Tendencies & Temptations.
Teenagers: Lacking a Hunger for Wisdom
No one likes to be corrected, but the wise person learns to appreciate correction that comes from a reliable source.
Proverbs 13.18 tells us:
He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame,
but whoever heeds correction is honored.
This is a lesson all of us need to remind ourselves.
But according to Paul Tripp this lesson is perhaps especially appropriate for teenagers. According to Tripp, in his book, Age of Opportunity, teenagers have a “Lack of hunger for wisdom or correction.”
What Tripp is saying is: It is not only that teens generally are lacking wisdom, one of the common traits is that they don’t even look for it. They are not aware they are in need of it.
That teens lack wisdom should easily be understood. Wisdom comes only from experience and correction. Teens have generally not lived long enough to have developed wisdom. And sadly, even those teenagers who have experienced too much of the hard realities of this world still lack wisdom. This is evident in that they are often the ones who are in the most trouble. Likely this is because, while teens who have had to grow up too fast have experience, they have usually not experienced necessary correction. They have been left to their own instincts. They have not had wisdom imparted to help them assess their experiences and learn to discern right from wrong; wisdom from foolishness.
Realizing that teenagers are in need of wisdom is a great place for parents and teachers and youth workers to begin. But, along with that knowledge, we must also remember that teenagers’ limited experience and perspective leaves them with a lack of felt need for wisdom. Put more susinctly, teens are not aware that they are in need of wisdom, so they don’t seek it, they don’t hunger for it.
So, what do I take from all this?
1. If we who work with teens want to make a positive impact we ought to remind ourselves of a few things:
- the importance of wisdom,
- the need for teens to develop wisdom
- the understanding the usual teenage apathy, even antipathy, about developing wisdom
2. Perhaps we will be diligent in our approach to:
- Make a priority of cultivating wisdom
- Whet the appetite for wisdom
3. Perhaps we will use the book of Proverbs as a guide and tool in our parenting and discipling. If we do, we can help the teenagers in our lives, and in our churches, develop a positive perspective to apply to their experiences.
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This is the First in a series of six posts elaborating on the insights Paul Tripp offers in his book Age of Opportunity. To read the others click: Teen Tendencies & Temptations.
Teen Tendencies & Temptations
The teen years are both exciting and exasperating as young men and young women try to find themsleves and find their place in this world.
When I think back to my own teen years I am regularly filled with a feeling wishing I could have a do-over, in every sense of that phrase. There are some aspects of my teen years that were so exciting and memorable that, were it possible, like a fun ride at an amusement park, I’d like to do them all over, and over again. Then there are other parts of my teen years, as I think of them, with a feeling like one gets when just receiving a bad grade on an exam, I wish I could go back and do everything all over again differently.
I know that, while my personal experiences may be unique, almost everyone has those same sentiments about their own teen years.
What is it about those years that makes them so turbulent?
Paul Tripp, in his book, Age of Opportunity, writes:
If you were to look in your Bible concordance for all the verses about
teeneagers, you would find none. The period of life we call adolescence is a fairly recent invention. Yet, at the same time, the Bible gives us wonderful descriptions of the tendencies of youth. Many of these are found in the book of Proverbs.
The first several chapters of Proverbs record a wise father giving practical life advice to his son. AS I have studied these chapters, I have found the sorts of things we will encounter with our teenagers.
What Tripp writes is in line with something I have told my own teenagers and the high school students in our church: If there is any book of the Bible written for teenagers, it is the book of Proverbs.
Tripp outlines 6 characteristics common in teenagers that would be helpful for parents and youth workers to consider. In fact, I think they might be helpful for teenagers to consider as they try to find themsleves and find their place in this world. Not all of these will be equally true of all adolescents, but I suspect it would be a rare teenager who does not exhibit some combination of these traits:
- Lack of Hunger for Wisdom or Correction
- Tendency toward Legalism
- Tendency to be Unwise in Choice of Companions
- Susceptibility to Tempations to Sexual Sin
- Absence of Eschatological (Eternal) Perspective
- Lack of Heart Awareness
Grace Will…
I was blown away as I thought about the paradoxes of the Gospel as it was described by Paul Tripp in his book, Broken-Down House. Don’t just read through quickly. Stop and consider the contrasts:
Grace is a story and grace is a gift. It is God’s character and it is your hope. Grace is a transforming tool and a state of relationship. Grace is a theology and an invitation. Grace is an experience and a calling. Grace will turn your life upside down while giving you a rest you have never known. Grace will convince you of you unworthiness without ever making you feel unloved.
Grace will make you acknowledge that you cannot earn God’s favor, and it will remove your fear of not measuring up to his standards. Grace will confront you with the fact that you are much less than you thought you were, even as it assures you that you can be far more than you had ever imagined. Grace will put you in your place without ever putting you down.
Grace will enable you to face truths about yourself that you have hesitated to consider, while freeing you from being self-consciously introspective. Grace will confront you with profound weaknesses, and at the same time introduce you to new-found strength. Grace will tell you what you aren’t, while welcoming you to what you can now be. Grace will make you as uncomfortable as you have ever been, while offering you more comfort than you have ever known. Grace will drive you to the end of yourself, while it invites you to fresh starts and new beginnings. Grace will dash your hopes, but never leave you hopeless. Grace will decimate your kingdom as it introduces you to a better King. Grace will expose your blindness as it gives you eyes to see. Grace will make you sadder than you have ever been, while it gives you greater cause for celebration than you have ever known.
Grace enters your life in a moment and will occupy you for eternity. You simply cannot live a productive life in this broken-down world unless you have a practical grasp of the grace you have been given.
Sticks, Stones & Words
Paul Tripp, in this video, offers an interesting, and important, perspective about a problem that has recently effected our youth group and our home: the use of words, or the appropriate use of words.
What makes some words acceptable and others “bad”?
Tripp offers three distinctions:
1. Some words are condemning and judgmental. The use of these words, intentionally or unthinkingly, is always wrong.
2. Some words are sexually graphic or explicit. These words can bring to mind things that should not be brought into a given situation. Further, the use of these words tend toward the devaluation and distortion of God’s gift of sex.
3. Some words are simply culturally impolite.
Most helpful, I think, is Tripp’s positive assertion about the use of language. Tripp states that the purpose of words are…
“To give grace to the hearer.”
Two final notes:
1. This clip is an exerpt of the topic Tripp deals with at great length in his book War of Words.
2. My thanks to my friend Seaton Garrett for introducing this video to me. Check out Seaton’s comments about it on his blog: Are We There Yet?
GRACE & PEACE 