It is the most difficult of maneuvers. There are no guarantees of success. And the stakes are high. But we have no choice: we must learn how to do it.
How do you disarm an angry person?
The angry person could be a child, parent, spouse, friend, neighbor or counselee. And, of course, we could use a little disarming ourselves sometimes.
To read the rest of this post from CCEF click: Disarm
What is your view of the Puritans? If you are like many people you may not think much of them.
Tim Keller maintains that the Puritans offer us great practical insights. In an article for CCEF, titled Puritan Resources for Biblical Counseling, Keller elaborates on these insights:
Reading the Puritans is not always easy. But thanks to Banner of Truth Trust there are number of Puritan materials offered in revised editions. Many of them are abridged. Most, if not all of them, are translated into more contemporary English. Check out Puritan Paperbacks. These are rich resources for spiritual formation.
Does this description sound familiar:
Teens are unstable emotionally. One minute they feel wonderfully happy. The next minute they feel like the world has come to an end again for the third time that day. Their lives are emotional roller coasters. Solid ground is hard to find.
As the parent of three, relatively well-adjusted, teenagers, I recognize the description. As a former teenager myself – albeit long, long, ago – I remember this to be an apt portrayal.
This is just one paragraph from an excellent article by Tedd Tripp that appeared in CCEF‘s Journal of Biblical Counseling: Communicate With Teens.
In this article Tripp not only describes the all too common symptoms of the teenager, but he lays out the foundational issues, identifies common pitfalls that we parents fall into, and offers some insightful goals for parenting through the teen years.
What are the foundational issues?
Tripp observes three, taken from Proverbs 1:
As parents we need to be aware that the problems of the teenage years are not one-sided. Tripp cites five common errors. We need to honestly assess ourselves in light of them. To what degree am I guilty of:
1. Spy vs. Spy.
Teens often try to get away with as much as they can. Parents often try to catch them by spying on them. Sometimes the teens try to catch the parents trying to catch them… Tripp says it becomes “a cat and mouse game”.
2. Disengaging.
Parents give up trying to be a nurturing influence in their teens’ lives. They limit their engagement to giving curfews and consequences. The result: Teens are more influenced by their friends than by their parents.
Parents often think, They don’t care about me and what I think. One word from me and they go in the other direction anyway. Instead of being in the thick of the battle in the most important time for teens, parents give up trying to have any influence on them at all.
3. Authoritarianism vs. influence.
By authoritarianism Tripp does not mean the proper exercise of authority. Instead he is referring to the practice of being overly tough: “You can’t get away with anything with me. I’ll stay one step ahead of you. I’ll make the punishment more onerous.”
“Rather than becoming a bigger authority”, says Tripp, “we need to come alongside our teens as bigger positive influences. We need to be someone who has their ear, who shows them love, who helps them be successful in the things they want to accomplish, and who gains the right to speak to them. We want to become people who have influence with our teens. We want them to be willing to listen to what we say. In the years from infancy to adulthood, authority diminishes, but our influence should increase.”
4. Reckless words.
Reckless words, the proverb says, “wound like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
5. Majoring on the minors.
Parents tend to focus on matters of taste and style. But we must carefully choose our battles. We need to focus on things that have moral significance, with biblical truths at stake.
And so what is the overarching goal?
Several years ago an article in Journal of Biblical Counseling opened my eyes to see that counseling is a Ministry of the Word. True Christian Counseling often involves helping people discern their bestting sin, personal idols, and functional unbelief, and then helping them apply the gospel to their lives. This is what the Ministry of the Word does, whether it comes in the form of preaching, teaching, or counseling. With that understanding, then, it should be no surprise that Worship can also carry a function of Counseling.
In this video David Powlison of CCEF and Bob Kauflin of Sovereign Grace Ministries continue their discussion about how worship can effect personal transformation in the participant and the worship leaders’ responsibilty to lead people to fully enter into worship in a way that opens the participant to experience what God will do in them.
[This is Part 2 of 2]
What effect can worship have on the worshipper? In this video Worship Leader Bob Kauflin and counseler David Powlison discuss the therapeutic aspect of worship.
While this video comes from the perspective of the worship leader, and the awesome opportunity and responsibility the worship leader has, I think this discussion will provide everyone an enhanced perspective about the dynamic that entering into genuine worship offers.
[NOTE: This is the First of Two Parts of this discussion]
As a kid I watched Bob Newhart nearly every Saturday night. In fact, because of him I briefly thought it might be cool to become a psychologist, and do counseling for a living. But that idea soon faded. After further thought I wondered if it would be something I was particularly suited to do. So how ironic is it that, as a pastor, a fair portion of my time is spent in counseling?
While counseling can be very, very rewarding, when those I work with seem to make progress, at other times it can be very frustrating. I wonder if I am helping at all. My nature is to assume there is something I am missing, some insight I am overlooking, some sage advice I am failing to offer.
So, I was excited when I ran across this video of Bob Newhart counseling a client. He shows me how to be clear and focused when addressing a persons issue, and how to be direct in his counsel. Watch and learn:
While this sketch is funny, and does represent how some pastors and church leaders occasionally feel, David Powlinson, of CCCF, offers some poignant insight about the difference between Bob Newharts methods and the objective we should embrace in the church.
GRACE & PEACE 